On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Did it work? 44. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Fish Food. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Chicago. A LOOtenant! U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. It took the poor guy all day. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. I was the tallest guy in line. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. 3. So I quit ordering it.. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. The c.i.a. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. He needed COVER! As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Decodes 7. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. They bagged six. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Fish Food. I will take the both of you for a ride. But I had the last laugh. USA: Choppers But something struck me as odd. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark MARCH! 38. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Pilots 5. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. This is really good, he said. Marine: Wait, stop. 9. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. He had the same plane as yours. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. August 15, 2021. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Dont think so? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. 32. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Because hes a captain in the Air Force. 42. Looking for military boot camp jokes? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Its a NO FLY zone! Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. But I am public affairs, I said. Even his son turned up. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Rodrigues there? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. 1. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. I just put them all together for your amusement. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas 34. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Me: Hello? 2. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 13. 66. How old are you? a tenant asked. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. 4. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Caller: Is Sgt. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. They want their patients to see 20:20! ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. What happened Sergeant? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. And )second "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. (Hang up. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Divert your course NOW! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Soldier: Sure, buddy. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. A drill serGENTLEMEN! In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Why? I asked. The reason? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Aviation Humor. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! A military private saying I learned this in boot camp