A Roamin numeral. referee be a game warden? that means a lot.". Reading puns 1. Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. It ended in a tie! Lou Costello: Im not running in, youre pushing me!1 24 Of The Funniest Language Jokes And Puns. Past, present, and future walked into a bar. My uncle looks up from his phone, after being silent for the past 10 mins, and says "make sure you text it in Braille. Here are more deez nuts jokes to make you laugh! Artie's car was pretty shitty too. For those that don't get it, it's Avogadro's constant, whose value is: 6.02214110^23. And that clever book pun provides an excellent segue to these accounting jokes that really add up. 28. Whats the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions Q. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords. 26. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. She's always on the lookout for another slice of New York pizza and she's never met a Starbucks drink she doesn't like. A: Bellhop, Q: What do you call a pig that does karate? by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes, I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" He wanted to check out a mystery. So let's all take a break from the world and enjoy these 65 hand-selected puns that are guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh, and maybe even forget all the insanity and jaw-clenching stress in the worldif only for a few minutes. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to! Youve never read Fitzgerald? This makes it a prime number. The investor in the bakery demanded a larger piece of the pie. Everyone thinks my runny nose is funny, but it's snot. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Teacher. What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? Keep up the mew -mentum. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . This tiny portion of humankind is known as the . Patient: When did what happen? He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? Climb every meow -tain. But this was unforgivable. in ten tionality. "What's your kid's name?" Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Why can't you run through a campground? I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time. Rome wasn't split into two? Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13. Submitted by J. Lee, There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language. quincen ten nial. Paper. Because shell go on and on and on forever. ", Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then, First off my dad is legally blind. Q. Johnny says, "Eddie Murphy! He leaves podium as she says gratefully, "thank you. 82.65 % / 325 votes. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. More Cat Puns. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. You can also find amazing math puns you're looking for with 45 math puns that are better than pi itself. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. 140+ Nerdy Pick Up Lines for Geeks. Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months. Lou Costello: 50 What did one flag say to the other? It doesnt make any cents, What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? Theres no menu - you get what you deserve. I have absolutely no shelf control when it comes to books! I don't suffer from insanity. Teenage me cringed, probably gonna do it myself at some point now. "7, why did you eat 9". They're both cauld ron. Want to hear something terrible? (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20. Jungle bells! He had a lot of, What do you call a person rabid with wordplay? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. Hes all right now, I cant believe I got fired from the calendar factory. -, "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. She rated my comment a 6 out of 10 on the Dad joke scale. 2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. The odd couple. England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals! Hemust be plotting something. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. Her: No. 46. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? (2022) Make Somebodys Day! 44. Q. My ex-wife still misses me. She said, "Wii.". Why did Adele cross the road? @HelloJessicaFox. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Have we met? ", She had a photographic memory but never developed it, Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? She then asked me what number I had taken, and I told her 10. 3. AKA Star Wars Day - Stewart Francis, New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group, Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted, Residents Warned to Protect Fish and Hens to Avoid Otter Devastation, Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam, You don't have to be a cat lover to love these, Feeling hungry for some humor? He left me the key in his will. 10.4K Likes, 106 Comments. Funny can be good: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? But there are three two-letter sub root combinations as well. Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. 46. Paul feints. These silly wordplay jokes about stags will amuse the whole family! With hand Santatizer 4. He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter. Its impossible to put down. -. She was a, The two pianists had a good marriage. Three times 7 went to 21's compound. That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up! Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. Jokes help teach kids word sounds, meanings of certain words, a bigger vocabulary and even practice spelling. You Gatsby kidding me! Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. A: You planet. Egg-straordinarily bad egg puns are the way forward at Easter so we thought we'd put together a cracking list of the most egg-ceptional eggs puns out there. My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. But 3 promised to get to the root cause. A: I lava you, Q: What do you call and owl that does magic tricks? Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. - Fred Allen, "Atheism is a non-prophet institution." Why not go out on a limb? A. Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Lou Costello: Im not changing the subject; youre trying to change my finances. A tire, I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon, FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. 7 always was an odd number. A. Red paint. Whisker-y Business. If the cashier was a woman, this would go down: >Cashier: Your total is $x.xx. Posted this on r/Talesfromretail and it was suggested I post here. Itll definitely take you somewhere. Start writing! He then asked us, "So if you have 5Q and then 5 more Q, how many do you have? I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing., How do you make holy water? But her aim is starting to improve, What washes up on tiny beaches? Do You Want To Play The Devil's Game? 5. I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. Israel is at war with Aram, and Elisha, the man of God, is using his prophetic powers to reveal . Sadly, he lost his case. Then it hit me, I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. Homographic puns are also known as heteronymic ("same name") puns. Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt? Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine. German children are always kinder. Because seven ate nine. I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard. One liner tags: puns. Somebody stole all my lamps I couldnt be more de-lighted! (Credit: justbadpuns.com), Q. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. Lou Costello: Ok, Ill owe you 10. Send Good Vibes. He couldnt control his volume. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. One neighbors Wi-Fi really stood out: You Kids Get Off My LAN!. He got in trouble for cooking the books. How could he do this to his best friend? Litter-patter; Whiskers Cat Puns. What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10? Subscribe to The Pun. He says theyre way off base. Why is six afraid of seven? Why did the dog run after the book? My view on my sub-par math teacher completely changed today. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basementI'm in biiiigggg trouble! What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree? Encountered a little dad joke between my uncle and dad today Heard this in the hospital waiting room today. Bud Abbott: All right, heres your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. He was a good man, a brave man. What is a cars favorite genre? 12. But unlike most of us, some were born into this world with a rare love for commas, apostrophes, and missing letters. The best first: I have two very nice lamps in my living room. I got my girlfriend a 'Get better soon' card. Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. To say hello from the other side. Santa Claws! Me: Correct! My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. 14 letter words containing ten. Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. Q. He has no reason to text. The art competition ended in a draw. Think of a number between 1 and 10. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He goes up to podium and says "plethora". Jokes for kids help with reading skills. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. A pun directly plays with the sounds and meanings of words to create new and surprising sentences. Everyone has said stupid stuff 5 years ago let's be honest 3. Auto-biography. It was such a nice jester! It's the title of a real book that tackles both whimsical and serious philosophical questions about all things Zelda.